Family News
Well the girls are doing well. Soccer and School take up most of our time. I can officially say that being a single dad is apart of me. Elena and Veronica have adjusted well and my concern for how they would deal with sharing time between homes has simmered. Elena has accepted our new lifestyle but it was hard for her there for a while. She was a little confused as to why they had to share time with Cat and I. She also has taken notice to other students in her class who also have divorced parents. Her and I are always talking about it. She is especially interested in my experiences. She still gets sad and Easter was hard for her. When it is hard for her it is hard for me. Her sadness forces me to revisit my mistakes. My old shame and disappointment show their faces again. I also notice how much character she is building and how she is well balanced with her shyness and confidence. She is becoming more and more aware of her self. She continues to be a mirror for me. As many of her qualities and shortcomings match mine. She is grumpy in the morning, a joker, doesnt like to lose, and is helpful.
Veronica has recently become aware or her feeling about sharing time. She too has been getting more emotional. Although her true emotions in regards to the divorce seem to be mixed in with frustration. Meaning that she more often exposes her sadness or confusion when she is upset with me or didnt get her way. Veronica is more comfortable with our divorce and I think it might have to do with the fact that she really wont remember us being together. She does play the I like it better at mom's card. That is always when she is in trouble or again doesnt get her way. She is also real clingy. I dont mind it because her clinging is done by being affectionate and I enjoy that. I try and talk with her like Elena shares with me but she truly keeps it simple and naturally lives in the moment. She has helped me to see that carrying the past and living for the future brings on its own stress. But she does like to talk about her feelings. We do it right before bed and now she'll ask me "Dad can we talk about our feelings". I hope the request is genuine, but I think it might be that she wants to stay up a little longer. On a shallower and simpler note she is an amazing soccer player. I enjoy watching her play. She definitely has some swagger.
Now about me. It was hard letting go of a marriage. Deep down, I dont think my feelings for Cat will ever be extinguished, but my desire is. As for now, I look back to a few years ago and can't help but remember the day when I didnt think I could ever be at peace with myself or my circumstances. I remember looking and desperately hoping for better days. I remember hoping for the space where I am at now. Where am I now. I am remembering what Ive always wanted to do and doing my best to do it. I am remembering how I once was in love with this place called New Mexico. I am remembering how I wanted to make a difference in it. I am back on that path. I forgot about her. I am well on my way to being the man I never thought I could or thought I needed to be. We shall all see what that means.
- God Bless
Veronica has recently become aware or her feeling about sharing time. She too has been getting more emotional. Although her true emotions in regards to the divorce seem to be mixed in with frustration. Meaning that she more often exposes her sadness or confusion when she is upset with me or didnt get her way. Veronica is more comfortable with our divorce and I think it might have to do with the fact that she really wont remember us being together. She does play the I like it better at mom's card. That is always when she is in trouble or again doesnt get her way. She is also real clingy. I dont mind it because her clinging is done by being affectionate and I enjoy that. I try and talk with her like Elena shares with me but she truly keeps it simple and naturally lives in the moment. She has helped me to see that carrying the past and living for the future brings on its own stress. But she does like to talk about her feelings. We do it right before bed and now she'll ask me "Dad can we talk about our feelings". I hope the request is genuine, but I think it might be that she wants to stay up a little longer. On a shallower and simpler note she is an amazing soccer player. I enjoy watching her play. She definitely has some swagger.
Now about me. It was hard letting go of a marriage. Deep down, I dont think my feelings for Cat will ever be extinguished, but my desire is. As for now, I look back to a few years ago and can't help but remember the day when I didnt think I could ever be at peace with myself or my circumstances. I remember looking and desperately hoping for better days. I remember hoping for the space where I am at now. Where am I now. I am remembering what Ive always wanted to do and doing my best to do it. I am remembering how I once was in love with this place called New Mexico. I am remembering how I wanted to make a difference in it. I am back on that path. I forgot about her. I am well on my way to being the man I never thought I could or thought I needed to be. We shall all see what that means.
- God Bless
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